My Mother, My Role Model

On 12th May 2019, on the occasion of Mother’s Day our Founder, Dr. Nidhi Mishra, shared a heart-warming post in the honour of her mother Mrs. Anju Mishra, who has inspired her to be an empathetic, responsible and independent woman.

According to Dr. Nidhi, along with being a good mother, her mother is also an example of active ageing, who inspite of certain health issues prefers to keep herself active by doing household chores and by looking after the needs of all family members.

Dadu was a good football player in his youth. He loved watching Hindi and Malayalam films. His favourite movie is Deedar and often sings “Bachpan ke din bhula na dena” at parties. All the parties at his house bring the whole family together and we celebrate Christmas and Easter with pomp!

Me and My Dadu

Meeting my Dadu, as I lovingly call him, was a weekend ritual, until I moved to New York three years ago. He isn’t much of a talker at this age, but the joy in seeing his family is evident in his eyes. On Sundays, I often would reach his place at around lunchtime. My first glance of him would always be him leaning over the window to look out for me– Dadu’s thick silvery white hair shining in the sun, eyes sparkling even brighter, a smile from ear to ear and a crooked wave, before he hurried to open the door.

When I was a child, the neighbours would call their grandparents Dada and Nana, so I called mine Dadu and Nanu. I was (not) quite creative, as you can tell! Often people think he is my paternal grandfather because I call him Dadu, but actually he is my Nanaji! Dadu too has a pet-name for me – Smituli – which is what most of my family affectionately calls me now.

Dadu and I have a famous picture of both of us shaking a leg together at my 3rd birthday party! He loves music and dancing. To this day, he is enthused by it, even though he has trouble hearing and moving! I tried buying him a radio and a senior friendly phone for entertainment, even tried teaching him to video chat, but he has lost interest in the gadgets now. Being his first grand-daughter, he and I have a special connection. He even has a picture of (baby) me framed in his room! It breaks my heart to not be able to spend time with him anymore.

Dadu’s Big Extended Family

Dadu was the third of seven siblings. Since his parents passed away early, he had to take up responsibilities much earlier on in life. He was a carefree person by nature and remembers happy times spent swimming in the Pampa river. He gave up studies after tenth grade and took up a job to support the family. He has raised his younger siblings, and has now sadly outlived all of them. His nieces and nephews fondly tell him stories of how their parents attributed their success in life to Dadu. His extended family now lives in Kerala, UAE and USA, and they all keep in touch with him.

Dadu got married in December, 1951 and has 3 children. They lived in the Railway Quarters in Vile Parle. My mom has great memories of living there. The Railway Quarters community was close and all the kids grew up together and went to school and college together. Those kids are grandparents now, and fondly reminisce about those days.

Struggles & Achievements

Dadu came to Mumbai in 1941. He was recruited by the British for the Royal Indian Navy. He was very hardworking and disciplined. He remembers that life was a struggle but he had to save up to send money back home to his family in Kerala. He was stationed in Karachi during the last few years of his service, and he has vivid memories of the city and Jinnah! His role models at the time were Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru and Gandhiji – they inspired him to continue to serve the country despite all the hardships. After five years, he took voluntary retirement, gave exams and joined the Indian Railways. Shortly after, India gained Independence and Dadu saw opportunity all around him. He became Rates Inspector for Commodities and travelled all across India.

He retired from the railways in 1979 as the Assistant Commercial Superintendent at the age of 58. Nanu (grandmother) died in 1998. This was a very difficult time, since Nanu was the pillar and backbone of the family– she took up majority of the household responsibilities, raised the children all while working as a Superintendent of Vigilance at the Bombay Textile Commissioners Office. To this day, Dadu continues to host an annual prayer meeting on Nanu’s death anniversary in her honor. I was only 11 when she died, but I remember her well, and my mom is a lot like her.

Dadu had to eventually learn to take care of himself. When he turned 80, his doctor told him that if he were to quit smoking and drinking, he would live another ten years. He gave it up cold turkey! Isn’t that incredible?

Fitness Mantra

Dadu lives a disciplined life. He follows a fixed routine every day. Till he was 90, he was very active and went for regular walks in the neighbourhood. He would attend all the society meetings and be in the know of all the plans and problems. Now, after a couple of falls, he is less confident, and the lack of elevators in the building doesn’t help, so he stays indoors and keeps a watch on the society from his perch in the balcony. Till date he is the most popular grandpa in the society and he intends to maintain this title so he always keeps some candy for the kids!

In 2012, my aunt, his oldest daughter Susan Isaac, moved in with him to take care of him. It is her dedicated attention to his well being that is the secret to his longevity. His diet of fish, chicken, sambar, dal, rice, eggs, plantain, bananas and yam is the reason behind his glowing face and hair. Till very recently, he didn’t even have to wear spectacles to read the paper!

My Dadu is my inspiration

His message to everyone is to be a good person. It seems simple, but really, that is who he is – a good and simple person. He trusts that God has a plan for him. His children married spouses of different faiths and religions. He is non-interfering and open minded. I was raised as a Hindu Maharashtrian kid, while he and most of his family is Malayali Christian. He has always celebrated all festivals, spoke many languages and bowed to gods from all religions.

My grandfather has led a happy, healthy and successful life. At this stage, he does not yearn for anything nor does he have any regrets. I take inspiration from his spirit and attitude. I am sure that his legend will be narrated in our family for generations to come.

It is said that our mother is our first teacher and I strongly believe so. Whatever I am today as an individual, academician and womanpreneur I owe it all to my parents, especially my mother not just because she brought me into this world but because of strong value system that she inculcated in me from a very early age, it helped me shape as a sensitive and responsible human being.

Though I have a PhD degree in Psychology but my first lesson in empathy was taught to me by my mother Mrs. Anju Mishra, who has no formal training in psychology but whose unbiased and non-judgmental attitude towards others is something which I always admire.

I strongly believe that behind every responsible and empathetic person is an emotionally intelligent mother and I am blessed to have such mother in my life who through her love, care and disciplined parenting style has taught me to analyse, look at the bigger scheme of things and do what is right even during challenging and stressful situations when a crucial decision has to be taken.

Though my mother always says that she has done nothing much in her life which can inspire others, I want to tell her and to the entire world that she has not only brought me up as an independent and ambitious woman but has also inspired me to be a loving daughter, understanding wife, caring daughter-in-law and a responsible mother by following her as an example.

I am not just writing and sharing this post because today is a Mother's day. But this post was pending from a long time and today when I am a mother of two lovely daughters I wanted to put my heart's feeling towards my mother through these words which are not enough to acknowledge what all she has done to make my world beautiful and comfortable.

Dear Mom, once again wishing you a happy mother’s day. Hope that someday I will be able to live up to your benchmark and my daughters will say and feel the same way about me.