Living alone but not feeling Lonely

This story is collected and shared by Ms. Ami, who is a social work enthusiast with 8+ years of experience in health and education sector. She has keen interest in understanding elderly, their way of life and supporting them in whatever way she can. She is mother of 4 year old and loves traveling, meeting new people and understanding their culture.

My Interests

I am Hansa Shah, I am 77 and currently residing in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. I am a home maker and like to read Gujarati novels, cooking food for others. The movie I like is Mugal e Azam and even today I can watch it many times. I have travelled to many cities in India and Kerala is my favourite. There was a time when women leaders had a hold on the country in different ways and I have always respected Indira Gandhi for that. But my favourite personality is Rani Laxmibai. Their life has so much to say and explain the common public in different ways.

My Family

I have 3 children – 2 daughters both in USA and son who lives in Ahmedabad. Have 5 grandchildren who love me a lot and they respect me and look up to me as I have gone through many struggles in my life. My husband passed away 2 years ago. So from 2 years I am living alone. My kids always tell me to come and stay with them, but I prefer staying alone. They never let me feel that I am alone. All the time someone or the other comes stays with me. All my expenses are taken care by them and they never ever complain about it. I have always loved one thing about my family. All my kids and grandkids bond very well with each other.

I have always lived in a nuclear family from my young age. My father had always allowed me to do what I wanted to and let me study also in our times. There were lots of people who told why she needs to study as she has to get married and go, but my father always thought that a woman can change lives if she is educated and understand the importance of life. I got married at a young age and for initial 3-4 years I lived in a joint family, later my husband got transferred to Ahmedabad, so we shifted there. We bought a house and during our times it was tough to earn and save to buy a house and that is the only asset till date I have. I have never worked in my life even after studying because had to take care of house and family. I always wanted to study more but till now I have never got motivation. My children are settled and my grandchildren motivate me to study now but to bring that confidence is a very difficult thing.

During our time importance of a son was there so I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. My parents never discriminated between us.

During my college days I wanted to go for a night stay with my friends and my father didn’t allowed me to stay at my friend’s place. So I did not eat for 2 days, did not talk to him also. My brother was always allowed to go and stay at his friends place and even his friends came to our place to hangout. That was the first and last time my father slapped me. Now when I look back I understand his concern of my safety and the culture which we were growing was different than today. When we siblings meet we still laugh about that incident and talk about today’s generation.

My Mantra for Fitness

To keep myself fit and healthy every day I do exercises for 30-45 mins in the morning after getting up which helps me solve my gastric problem and maintain my weight. I eat fresh food both the times but due to age I am unable to eat heavy food at night so I make tasty food in the morning and eat light in the evening which helps in digestion. Every day in the evening I go to garden and sit with my friends and do yoga with them. I take my medicines regularly and always visit the doctor when required to avoid any problem. I do all my work by myself and rest in between when I get tired. We don’t have a lift where I stay and I stay on the 3 rd floor so I climb up and down 3 floors everyday at least once to stay active and keep my joints working.

One should never be dependent on others. And never indulge in self-pity that due to old age I cannot do things. It is absolutely not true, if you wish there are so many things to do in life as life is so beautiful. Physically also one should be active so that there are less and less problems as time pass. Eating what suits the body at different time is also important to maintain a healthy life and not fall ill. Anything in moderation works.

My Future Plans

My future plans are that I stay fit till the end of my life and not become a burden on any one. I wish to visit my daughters in USA and attend my grandson’s graduations. There is four generation so I am happy and content seeing my granddaughter’s son also. Once the current situation becomes better I plan to go on a solo trip on a cruise if my health permits because cruise has always fascinated me.

The most important thing I would like to do is to study for a year. From a young age I always wanted to study. Today when I look at kids I feel there are so much to study and so many options available. During our time we only knew about professions of doctor, engineer and teacher. I have visited a few colleges in my area. But it seems difficult at this age. And plus I am unable to build the confidence to do it. My grandchildren are motivating me and I hope I can do it.

Philosophy of Life

In today’s world happiness is staying busy in life doing what you like. Accept the situation you are in and if you don’t like try to change it. The situation is never going to stay the same so make the most of it and never regret not doing anything. Satisfaction and content is a must in life. Never be dissatisfied with life because life will keep on surprising you all the time.

One of the most important things which we all should take out of our mind is the fear of death. In my group whenever anyone feels low I tell them that we all are going to die one day. So, live happily till our time has not come. Aging is a normal process which all go through and there is nothing one can do about it.

My Message

Life is full of ups and downs, struggles and positive things happening. It completely depends on us how we take it. One should learn to adapt with time and be flexible so others feel comfortable with you. My grandkids feel comfortable in my company more than their mothers so that is the way one should be, being open about things at the same time knowing what is right and wrong for them. Family and friends are the utmost important things in one’s life hence always cherish it.